About
Each week on Ask a Canadian, a panel of inquisitors compete to see how many apologies they can wring out of an actual Canadian simply by asking him questions about his home country.
Starring:
Karl Mamer
Karl Mamer is a real, live Canadian. Not a simulation. He lives in the most un-Canadian part of Canada after Windsor, Ontario: Toronto. Karl is at least 45 years old. Because Canadians have largely lost the ability (or desire) to reproduce, 45 is considered young for a Canadian. He is 5’7” tall. Due to Canada being a largely winter-locked nation, most Canadians keep their socially polite extremities (legs, arms) short and tucked into specially evolved skin flaps. So 5’7” is considered very tall among his countrymen. Karl lived in the USA for several years, and Karl is well aware of what Americans are capable of. American women were not all charmed by his exotic Canadian accent, and he’s rather bitter about that. Karl apologizes unreservedly for this bitterness towards American women but would enjoy if one of you finally got off your ass and married him.
Brian Thompson
Brian has been able to read and write for over seventeen years.
Doctor Atlantis
Doctor Atlantis (sometimes known as Blake Smith) is an amateur humorist who lives in Georgia. When he’s not slaving over a hot keyboard to pay his mortgage, he sometimes says funny things on the Internet. He has sexually reproduced. If you feel bad about him having to pay his mortgage, please feel free to send him money.
A.E. Gulliford
“Gentleman” A. E. Gulliford was born to a life of freckles, dimples, and spit curls. After a fateful, confusing barn raising accident in which a staircase fell down him, our seven-year-old hero instead embraced nihilistic evil. Wielding fists of politeness and sadistic whimsy, crushing townspeople underfoot, he marched on Washington, DC. Today - 18 years later - he uses his clinical knowledge, mechanical expertise, cyclopean height, and MST3K collection to further an unknown, terrible, supercriminal tenor. He remains polite, well dressed, and possessed of the charming élan unique to your homosexual.
Christian Walters
A mystery.
J.J. Wright
J.J. Wright is the pseudonym of a person or group of persons currently in hiding from our Reptoid Overlords. To throw them off of his scent, J.J. maintains a contradictory lifestyle: He’s a writer who doesn’t write, an activist who doesn’t protest, and a lover who CANNOT love. His primary interests include movies, popular science, and being able to see too many sides of every issue to ever make up his mind. He resides somewhere in the wilds of New England, where he’s believed to be living in a common-law marriage with a Sasquatch.
Here’s an archive of past episodes.
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